Archive for the ‘Anger’ Category
Roshan collapsed on the bed on hearing what she just heard. She didn’t know what went wrong. How could he do this! She kept staring in the oblivion. Her head throbbed badly.
“Oh my God! What happened Roshan? Are you alright?” her mother almost screamed when she saw her daughter sitting at the edge of the bed lost and looking like she had seen a ghost.
It was then Roshan realized that her face was wet with her tears… tears of anger, tears of shame, tears of helplessness! “Hun?” she said as if coming out of a trance. “Nothing mom, nothing.” She did not want to say anything about the incident, not to anybody, especially her mother. She stormed out of the room.
Roshan wanted to go somewhere where she can find some peace. But peace will come to those who are peaceful at heart and her heart was in shreds at the moment.
She took her bike and zoomed on the highways where traffic was less and she could speed away. As if, the blowing winds would take away the hurt and shame along with them. If only it was that easy to unburden one self! She did not want to go home but it was almost twelve and she realized her mom would be worried. She had forgotten to carry her mobile in haste. She dreaded going home, to see him, to look into those eyes which she used to adore, where she found nothing but love for her.
She knew her parents were not like other couples. She knew her mom had withdrawn from sansaar very early in her married life, a couple of year after Roshan’s birth. She was like a hermit staying with them just for the sake of it. Roshan was now old enough to understand the sexual need of a person. Had she come to know that her father had a relationship, in real sense, with another woman, she would have understood completely. He deserved to be happy. The happiness he did not get from his wedded wife; happiness to be able to come home to a smiling face, happiness to share silly jokes, happiness to hug someone after a long fight, happiness just to feel that he is needed! She understood it all too well! But she could not understand her father’s sexual exploitation of a fifteen year old maid; a girl who was at least seven years younger to his own daughter! She could not understand how the girl too was so casual about it so as to talk about this affaire with her friend, as if saying, “This is what our lives are all about!” Why she did not tell any of this to her parents or was she happy about it? Was it money?
Her mind swarmed with too many questions; questions that would not be answered!
Not only had she lost her mentor but her belief in basic decency, graciousness of being human! She hoped that someday she would be able to pick up the broken glasses of faith and mend them. Even then, the cracks would still be visible and the pieces would still bear the blood from her shredded heart.
“Thud…” He was thrown on the bed so hard, he wailed, more from the shock than pain, which irritated his mother even more. And he got a tight slap again. Suddenly the bell rang and he was spared from getting strangulated. He was all of three months then.
Though he never had the memories of those incidents of younger years, he distinctly remembered when he wanted to sleep with his parents once. He was of four years. His father would have loved to have him with them but the look on his mother’s face told him otherwise. But a child that he was he tried to pursue her to allow him.
“You better sleep down there; else you know what I can do when your father isn’t there!”
Oh, he knew it very well. He urinated that night again in his bed. Of course one more punishment was waiting for him for spoiling the bed. He was stripped of his clothes and was made to stand in the balcony facing the road!
He never understood why his mother behaved the way she did. His father was always nice to him. And he had noticed that mother was a different woman around him. But he was scared to tell any of these atrocities to his father since he was threatened with more dire consequences if he ever dared to do so.
But for him the scenario became a bit more pleasant when his sister came to his world. He was overjoyed to have a little bundle of love. But he was horrified when the little baby was also thrashed the way he was! It was a pure miracle that the brother-sister duo survived.
Their love for each other was like a silver lining of the black cloud.
“Chinky, I have lost my sweater today at school. I went and tried to find it but I don’t know where I lost it!” He was almost in tears and was scared to go home to face his mother.
“Kuchh nahi hoga bhaiya, don’t worry!” Chinky tried to pacify her brother, who was shaking like a dry leaf.
Miraculously their mother didn’t say a word about the sweater and they both breathed sigh of relief. But it was indeed a short lived one. The next day when he was tying a knot to his pajama, his mother came and tied it so tight that it was difficult for him to even breathe. He was left that way the whole day and when he couldn’t hold back he peed in his pajama! Thrice, since he was not allowed to change his pajama!
He was 11 years then.
He always wished that some relative should come and stay with them since that was the only time his mother didn’t met out the “punishments” to the duo. He never understood what irked his mother. Everybody in his family and extended family praised him for his behaviour and he was in good in studies too. He always tried to please his mother. Somehow he never succeeded.
But recently his anger was brewing, especially when he saw his sister also getting the brunt without any fault of her. Yet, he was courteous in his behaviour lest something irked his mother!
But today when he came from school he saw his sister standing in balcony, facing the road… without clothes!!! Something snapped inside him.
He rushed up and covered his sister! His mother came menacingly. She had forgotten that her son was now no longer a young boy whom she can intimidate physically. But she did not stop and tried to remove the blanket from her daughter. He couldn’t hold himself any longer.
“Thud…..” with all the anger brewing for all these years he hit his mother.
“Try touching her once more and you can be sure that you will not live to see a new day in your life.” The thunder in his voice conveyed the message loud and clear.
He hugged his sister and took her away with tears running down his face. Tears of what, he couldn’t understand!
Unedited version of an employee’s grievance letter to admin. department. Names have been removed / changed to protect privacy.
I am very disappointed due to bus driver’s behaviour of Sattadhar Route (Bus No. 2190).One of my collegue Mr. ABC from Engineering Dept. came 10 minutes before the bus arrival at Prabhat Chowk pick up point. But, due to his personal work at ATM which in first floor of that Complex where we stand daily. As & when he went to ATM, the bus came. Meanwhile I called him to come down. I requested to bus driver to wait for a few seconds till his arrival. But, the driver roughly replied me.
At the same time some persons from our bus also instructed driver not to wait for a few seconds. This has happened the first time from my pick up point. Further, from Sattadhar point & Gulab Tower point,Mr. Baldev & Mr. Dilip Patel also requested to bus driver.But, he didn’t stop.
Sir, on 10/9/2008 due to breakdown of Maninagar Route bus, I was one of the persons to push the bus to start for the benefit of our employees. From next time if anything happens to Bus from MNO Travels, please don’t expect any help from me.
Moreover, please instruct driver to behave softly.
Ritu opened the drawer fifth time since morning and sighed again. A long, big sigh!! She remembered her neighbour’s comments and she backed off. Her eyes glistened. She knew she was over reacting but she couldn’t help but feel down.
She was the most beautiful girl of her batch when she was in college. And her beauty was even more endearing for she was totally oblivious to the fact that she stole a lot many hearts on the campus when she smiled and jerked her head back to keep her hair in place. Not surprisingly, she was the most sought after girl!
When she got “attached” to Kartik a lot of alcohol flowed in the boy’s hostel…
After 5 years of marriage to Kartik and a baby later now when she looked at in the mirror she couldn’t recognize herself. Well, almost!! She has put on at least 15 Kgs post delivery! She still looked charming and beautiful with that sweet smile and cherubic face. It was just that she had filled up a bit on her curves.
She had become a woman!
But every now and then somebody would comment on how she used to look in her college days and how she has changed now. Most of the time she would just smile but sometimes she felt bad, sometimes she felt enraged and sometimes she went into depression.
Kartik was always on her side. If he was around he would shoot his favourite dialogue,
“If you want a wife, your children’s mother, a best friend, a professional, a girl-friend, a cook; all wrapped into one and still expect her to be toothpick thin then probably you are asking for too much from a human being!”
But it was not always possible to make others understand how one feels when they talk without thinking.
Today was one such day. Ritu loved chocolates and she was gifted one by her best friend today. As she was about to open it, her nosy neighbour came and commented on how much weight she has put on and how it is not good for her to have chocolates and other high calorie food! She pushed the chocolate in the drawer but couldn’t push the thoughts which were rummaging through her mind!
“Was it her fault that she was genetically prone to put on weight?
Was it her fault that she was suffering from Hypothyroidism?
Was it her fault that even after taking regular treatment she was unable to shed weight?
Was it her fault that she hardly got time to exercise on a regular basis from her multiple duties of being a wife, a mother and a working professional?
Was it her fault that she could not diet as she needed those calories to keep her going?
Was it her fault that Indian females were made to be a bit voluptuous compared to their western and eastern counterparts?
Was it her fault that media was wrongly portraying toothpick thin models and showing that was the way Indian ladies are suppose to look?”
As she stood in front of her drawer, looking at her bar of chocolate longingly, warmth enveloped her from behind. Kartik had come home early with a gift for her – a beautiful skirt and a T-shirt from the “All size” store… He knew she would look beautiful, as always, in those floral clothes!
I carry forward this candle lit by Suda
War does not decide who is RIGHT, it decides who is LEFT!
In challenging times like these when we struggle to overcome our fears and show the spirit of resiliance to not get blackmailed by terrorism, I light a candle for the people who have laid down their lives and the numerous others who have been injured in recent bomb blasts across our country.
Suddenly Prithvi came jumping and her frown was transformed in a smile of a mother! In her daughter’s constant chattering she forgot all about them.
But can she really forget them? They were always there… in front of her, day in and day out! And she hated them from the core of her heart. She felt bad for these feelings; she had grown up with all the values perfectly in place and yet, she loathed them!
And recently these feelings were taking toll on her. She seemed to be cranky all the time whenever she was at home. She lost her temper unnecessarily on her daughter and felt like crying without reason or on a small provocation.
She came from hospital and found her wardrobe to be open and her things were at display for the neighbours and relatives.
‘What the hell! ‘, she thought. But didn’t want to create a scene on the 3rd day of her marriage!
When she repeatedly got hurt by their constant lies, she asked one day why did they lie so much, it hurts her.
“What can we do if you are hurt”, pat, came the reply!
She and her husband were in midst of a crisis. They wanted emotional support from the family… They got it. From her family! She could not contemplate how parents could not feel anything for their own child now that he was married!
Her child was just a couple of months old. And even though both of them were doctors, they were not paediatricians. They got scared when their daughter kept on crying the whole night without any reason. Nobody came from the adjacent room to even ask why their daughter was crying!!!
“What could we have done!” was the answer when asked why they didn’t come and help.
One morning she opened the door and saw his mamaji and mamiji. She was pleasantly surprised to see them. Later that day she came to know that her parents-in-law had called them as they wanted to get separated from them and without her noticing they had packed all their belongings and divided the food and vessels into two so that they can take their share along with them.
“Where was I when all these were going on?” She thought bewildered.
They had even packed her husband’s childhood games and story books since they had bought it; never thinking about the child in this house!
Ultimately, as an anti-climax, they never shifted out. Apparently, they just were checking her integrity!!!
These and so many other incidences over a period of eight years have changed her from an ever smiling, bubbly, sweet girl to a frowning, irritable and some what distant individual when she is around them.
When she thinks deeply, she agrees that now the fault is not entirely theirs. She also lashes out when she can not control herself. Now, after so many years, they have started looking after her daughter better than before. Outwardly things seem to be falling into place. She knows she should forget the past and accept them the way they are. But, somehow, she is unable do so! The very sight of them irritates her to the core. And, yet, she stays with them. Though she never feels that this is her home… never!
P.S. Her husband is always with her, but asks her to be more patient! It is his love and support that has anchored her to this house.
Suddenly something snapped inside Khushi. She remembered her younger days when a particular uncle’s touch she never used to like. He always tried to kiss her; but his kiss was not same as other relatives’. She could not understand why she was uncomfortablewith his touch. She was young and innocent. As she grew older she could dodge him. But her parents never knew anything. She never told them. She felt quite embarrassed to discuss it with them. Later as she got married with Ankush, the bad memories faded with his love. But she never told any of these to him either.
With the yesterday’s incident and her memories surging, Khushi looked at her young child. How blissfully she was sleeping.
“Poor girl, she doesn’t yet know what it is to be a girl,” thought Khushi; “and, I would not let her know.”
When Khushi’s mother-in-law came to visit her later that day, she found Khushi sitting by the window staring outside blankly. When she called her, she didn’t respond.
She went to the crib to hold her newly born granddaughter. As she picked up the little bundle of love, colour drained from her face.
She ran for the doctor screaming.
Her granddaughter had stopped breathing!
But there was a shadow on Khushi’s face. No, no, it was not that she did not like a girl child. How could that be? She herself was brought up with much love and care. She remembered her daddy making all sorts of pranks just to put that little smile on her face when she hurt herself playing. And her mother did everything to make her happy. They educated her well. After all she was the only child of her parents …!
But somehow there was this nagging feeling of unease since her daughter was born. She couldn’t put a name to that feeling. She attributed that to exhaustion of labor and the hospital environment. It was just yesterday since she had delivered.
It was 12 midnight and Khushi had just slept after feeding her child. Suddenly she heard a lot of commotion outside her room. She got up from the sleep with a jolt. There was a lady screaming at the top of her voice and there was anger and grief in her cry. Khushi got scared. She didn’t know what had happened. After sometime everything was silent. As she peered out of her room she felt a hushed silence. There were people gathered in the waiting room of the hospital and the lady who was screaming earlier was now crying softlty. She was inconsolable. Khushi went inside her room and tried to sleep. She couldn’t.
Next day when the sweeper came to clean the room she told Khushi that yesterday night a six year old (!) girl was brought to the hospital, who passed away due to severe trauma and bleeding. The little girl was raped!