Sakhi's Laghukatha

What should she do?

Posted on: August 30, 2008

Name has been changed to protect privacy!

Names not mentioned to protect privacy

 

Suddenly Prithvi came jumping and her frown was transformed in a smile of a mother! In her daughter’s constant chattering she forgot all about them.

 

But can she really forget them? They were always there… in front of her, day in and day out! And she hated them from the core of her heart. She felt bad for these feelings; she had grown up with all the values perfectly in place and yet, she loathed them!

 

And recently these feelings were taking toll on her. She seemed to be cranky all the time whenever she was at home. She lost her temper unnecessarily on her daughter and felt like crying without reason or on a small provocation.

 

*****

She came from hospital and found her wardrobe to be open and her things were at display for the neighbours and relatives.

 

‘What the hell! ‘, she thought. But didn’t want to create a scene on the 3rd day of her marriage!

 

*****

When she repeatedly got hurt by their constant lies, she asked one day why did they lie so much, it hurts her.

 

“What can we do if you are hurt”, pat, came the reply!

 

*****

She and her husband were in midst of a crisis. They wanted emotional support from the family… They got it. From her family! She could not contemplate how parents could not feel anything for their own child now that he was married!

 

*****

Her child was just a couple of months old. And even though both of them were doctors, they were not paediatricians. They got scared when their daughter kept on crying the whole night without any reason. Nobody came from the adjacent room to even ask why their daughter was crying!!!

 

“What could we have done!” was the answer when asked why they didn’t come and help.

*****

 

One morning she opened the door and saw his mamaji and mamiji. She was pleasantly surprised to see them. Later that day she came to know that her parents-in-law had called them as they wanted to get separated from them and without her noticing they had packed all their belongings and divided the food and vessels into two so that they can take their share along with them.

 

“Where was I when all these were going on?” She thought bewildered.

 

They had even packed her husband’s childhood games and story books since they had bought it; never thinking about the child in this house!

 

Ultimately, as an anti-climax, they never shifted out. Apparently, they just were checking her integrity!!!

 

*************

 

These and so many other incidences over a period of eight years have changed her from an ever smiling, bubbly, sweet girl to a frowning, irritable and some what distant individual when she is around them.

 

When she thinks deeply, she agrees that now the fault is not entirely theirs. She also lashes out when she can not control herself. Now, after so many years, they have started looking after her daughter better than before. Outwardly things seem to be falling into place. She knows she should forget the past and accept them the way they are. But, somehow, she is unable do so! The very sight of them irritates her to the core. And, yet, she stays with them. Though she never feels that this is her home… never!

 

P.S. Her husband is always with her, but asks her to be more patient! It is his love and support that has anchored her to this house.

42 Responses to "What should she do?"

Anything can only be stretched up to a limit. If you go beyond that then God Bless You!!!

Had I been in this lady’s place I too would have felt the same & might have behaved the same way. I mean if somebody is felxible & eager to adjust then it doesn’t mean that he/ she can be taken for granted.

That’s the magik of relationshps, few incidents can make or break them. Yup one should be forgiving as well but then sometimes things are already so bad that you can not improve them until both the concerned parties are willing to change.

Lovely and true to life story…

Sakhi: yeah, but forgiving is difficult! Very difficult! Easier said than done! Glad you liked the story🙂

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whose story is it? how can people be so insensitive…but well to others is very easy..peace…

Sakhi: It doesn’t matter whose story it is, but it is 100% a fact! And people can really get insensitive, this is nothing!

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I wish this story was fiction too… but sometimes, one has to accept facts.

This kind of things are indeed happening in India.Pity na….

How can someone be so insensitive towards their own son/ daughter-in-law?

but yeah… I know people who have killed their parents,brothers, sisters over petty issue.

proud to be INDIAN?? culture moral INDIA?

Sakhi: Yeah its a pity that not only this but many more things happen at domestic front that never come out! And yet, i am proud to be an Indian! Can’t help it!🙂 🙂

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A family heart to heart meeting would have fixed the problem. She should have told them about what she thought about them and asked them their problem with her. If things are not working out, you can’t go on living on a hope for all your life.
Why are people so afraid of making decisions?

Sakhi: Amit, Everything was tried! So much so that the DIL had visited a psychiatrist also! All heart to heart and head to head talk had failed!😦 Yes, Sometimes, people are afraid of taking decisions! Sadly!!

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Well I know few cases where one’s own parents are insensitive like anything. One family I know in which the daughter ran away the day they were leaving the city forever and yet they boarded the train and left leaving the daughter behind. No police no searching nothing. Most cases arise from the fact that parents first pressurize for marriage and then are able to cope with a new person in their child’s (especially son’s)life. The common dialogue is wife has come so he has forgotten parents. Then why the hell did u get him married??? This possessiveness is a major reason of saas bahu clashes.

Sakhi: OMG! Really they left their own daughter behind and left! In this case it is not even possessiveness! Its just self-centeredness!

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Very touching tale… Some parents can be monsters, and I say that as soon as someone becomes a parent, the ‘cranky’ gene gets switched on!😀

Sakhi:😀 😀 I defer here slightly, *as soon as someone becomes a parent-in-law, the ‘cranky’ gene gets switched on! *And i love your comments, as even when i am sad you put a huge smile on my face!🙂 🙂

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I guess this cold war will never end😦 I don’t know why parents-in-law find it so difficult to treat a daughter-in-law as their own daughter😐 All it takes is a little understanding and tolerance . . .

Sakhi: I think so too! And after some time the problem is on both the sides! 😦

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I am not into understanding this very much but I somehow beleive parents can never be at fault …I feel clapping is required which can be done by two hands only.

Sakhi: take it that you are not yet married! Am i right?

I am glad for your parents that they have got such a son who thinks that they can never be at fault and feel sad for your spouse who will always be on her toes since she will be the person who will be responsible for all the problems ever occur in your house. But i sincerely hope that this never occur at your place or at anybody’s place!

And i agree too that for a clap two hands are required but the same claping sound can be heard when some body slaps on the face!

And here too, the protagonist when she interospects, she knows that now, the fault is not entirely her PILs… now, she reacts too!

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She is very lucky to have her husband by her side all throughout, which is usually not the case and the bride is left all alone.
I believe it is very very hard to forget the memories, good or bad, for a new bride ‘coz she comes in an entirely different family with lots of dreams and hopes. And if they get crushed on the onset, it is understandably very hard for her to completely recover.

She is a brave woman.

Sakhi: Yeah she is indeed lucky to have her husband by her side! But many a times he also has been hurt badly by his own parents and seen his sister gone through it too by them.. so he is more understanding!

And by being brave she has suffered a lot and lost her charm… the life is taking toll at her. But as Amit says, some times people are scared to take decisions!

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why is forgiving so hard??

Sakhi: I don’t know.For me its easy to forget but when it has hurt me the deepest, i seldom forget or forgive!! I know its not a good trait, but thats me!😦 I wish i was more forgiving! I am not sure about the protagonist!!

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Hahaha! That’s a better version, I must say!😀
And maybe I could help you get over your commenters’ block… Or are you over it already?😀

Sakhi:😀 😀 What do say about my commentor’s block? do you think i still have one😉

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ooh.. so insensitive human beings😦

sakhi: yeah! People could be worse!

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She is a very brave woman. Indeed.

“I wish this story was fiction too”……

“And i agree too that for a clap two hands are required but the same claping sound can be heard when some body slaps on the face!” IT’S VERY TRUE, SAKHI.

People seeks compromise when they are wrong & speak judgement when other are wrong.

It is very easy to advise for anybdy’s do’s & don’ts being third person, particularly when it is somebody’s personal life question comes.
– IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO FEEL THE SAME WITHOUT PASSING THROUGH THE CONDITION.

Sakhi: Thanks for the understanding!🙂 I fully agree with you

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Hmmm, now you have switched ON sad mood inside you…….
Story is touching….. more because feeling that its not fiction makes me think more…

BTW, I have two 5 star crunchy munch in hand, you want one?😀

Sakhi: I want those chocolates NOW! Chal thik hai, ek de de!!😛 😀 and i am planning to put OFF sad mood inside me in my next post!🙂

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really nice one!!
but sad too…
I have again started reading your posts regularly…
oh… poor girl..
One of my colleague is having similar problem.
their’s was a ‘love marriage’ because of which her in-laws are still not accepting her fully (even after 3 years of marriage); though she lives with them only…
she stays far away from our office and she has to cook, clean and wash the clothes before arriving at office. Her husband is pursuing his masters at some place near tamilnadu and she has sold her ornaments for his fees because her in-laws were reluctant to pay it…can you imagine!!!!
but finally she has decided to be apart…they are searching for their own home…
how could parents behave in such manner ??

Sakhi: I am glad to see you again. I hope you have settled down at your new place! And having a great time😉 we would soon visit you.

I am sad to hear about your friend. God knows how could parents be so cruel to their own children! May god be with your friend. I hope she gets her peace once they separate from the in-laws!

And hey start updating your blog too! I am waiting for it since quite sometime!

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Try fishing out their horror tales…of how their parents-in-law treated them…am sure you’ll feel better…
Sad story, but well, imaginable. I’m walking into a similar one shortly😀😀😀
will write about it someday and link it tu yu😉 yu might feel lucky!!

Sakhi:🙂 I know that the PILs never had any problem with their parents.. they never stayed together!!

And as far as you are concerened, i wish that you are more lucky! Don’t want anybody to pass from the same phase!!🙂 And should i wish you congratulations here? 🙂 😀

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Husband-wife-kid could have moved out. It’s a lot better to live separately these days.
When the distance builds up, the relationship strengthens.

Sakhi: Yeah they should have done that long back… probably its too late now! And i also feel the same way, Distance makes relationship stronger! Alas!!!!!

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Hello Sakhi, I am not married that’s right …student & 15 …sorry if it in anyway hurt u… I realize I shud not comment on things beyond my purveiw … sorry again shall take care in future.

Sakhi: no sweet heart, Its okay! And yu have all the rights to write what you feel like. Its just that we didn’t see eye to eye!🙂 Don’t worry about future comments! You are most welcome any time!🙂

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Sad story , makes me wonder why some ppl just refuse to grow up . . .

Sakhi: Absolutely

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DFamn!😀

And well, not yet😉 will put a post up when the time is apt😀

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@ Sakhi- Lovely blog….I’m in awe of it….so different from all the blgs I’ve read….thanks for the blogroll….you’ll be coming on mine soon….afta mah exams😛 LOL!

Lovely story!!!! Read ur abt page and the link…khi…khi….khi…BTW, arent u elder than me?? If you dont mind…may I call you sakhi di?? I’ll have another eldr sis in u !!!

Lovely story….do u knw that gal?? I dont have any idea abt what she shld do but I’ll pray fort eh well-being of her family and her…..And u knw….a child’s prayers r always hrd….so she knws who to thank when things get right😛

Love, Sakhi di,

Meghna!!

Sakhi: Ah, thanks sweetie!🙂 If i correctly remember your age (through your one of the post!) i am exactly 20 years elder to you so you are most welcome to call me di!🙂 🙂

I know the lady! She is my best friend! And i will definitely send across some chocolates when things go right!!😛 😛

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Hmmm every Indian woman’s story if she ends up living in a joint family after marriage. The P.S. in your story is what makes the difference. The husbands’ understanding love and support.
This is one story with a happy ending if you ask me. The supporting husband.
What about the stories where the men are spineless and leave the woman to fend for herself… or worse become one of the tormentors?

Sakhi: yes, there is a silver lining to the cloud here! The husband, as i know him very well, is a gem of a person!

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you are most welcome ma’m!!
pease do visit!!ya almost settled by now…
ya i miss my blog but the problem is we have not got internet at home yet… so may be within few days…
take care and love to Isha…

Sakhi: LOL😀

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Tough cookie Sakhi-I don’t know….its vey complex……..I hope the real life people take a smart decision !!

Sakhi: The decision which they have to take or prolly want to take is dependent on so many factors that they are actually scared to take it! But i hope everything turns out to be the best for them

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Since, the situation today is better than past, she shud be calm and observe if the in laws have changed for good realising their actions. Slowly, as things fell into place outwardly, emotional and moral bonds will also form, even if they wont be as strong as they could have been, had the in-laws been good from the beginning.

Sakhi: I sincerely hope i could be as optimistic as you are! But i think you are right. They should be given a chance. But somehow, in whatever years i have lived on this earth, i have learnt a basic thing… “A person’s basic nature goes with him to the grave”. A person’s character doesn’t change.

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poor girl really ..
I dont understand why she even stays with them then.. she can just move in separately with her husband and daughter if its gone to this extent..
The husband should also correct his parents…
Well, atleast now things are falling back into place.. thats good for her..

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@Sakhi : U are right. its only the masks to the character that changes. Hope promises good future. Even if our life is passing thru a rough patch, the promise does a small part of comforting us…🙂

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@ Anu

life has a lot of surprises stored for us, some bad, some good! it is good for her that thing are falling back into place… hope she can forgive them ….

@ Su

yeah… she is really waiting for that promise!

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Oh how sad… but that is how so many lives are- trapped in a zone that cannot be called bad like getting beaten up, but not good too-

The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference.
The opposite of art is not ugliness, it’s indifference.
The opposite of faith is not heresy, it’s indifference.
And the opposite of life is not death, it’s indifference.
(Elie Wiesel)

I wish the protagonist the insight to see things in the right perspective, the wisdom to recognize the right responses and the courage to act on the right decisions.

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‘These and so many other incidences over a period of eight years have changed her from an ever smiling, bubbly, sweet girl to a frowning, irritable and some what distant individual when she is around them.’

This has happened to a very close relative of mine, guess it’s quite common in our society.

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haan.. it is very common and then it percolates to the next generation! that’s even more sad!!😦

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Well… things go wrong in relationships and they do more often. Whatever may be the reason and whoever may be at fault, it hurts both! i could feel the pain this lady must have undergone.

But are we seeing the complete picture? Have we heard what her parents-in-law have to say on this? Don’t get my intentions wrong, but every confrontation has two stories…

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i completely agree that every confrontation has got two stories and probably her PILs would have their own reasons for the way they behave… as far as i know, their reasons were as simple as feeling marginalised (God only knows how!!), just not feeling close to the child and feeling that the DIL is not working enough in the kitchen and in the home (though they have full time maid and servants!!)… and other such reasons!!😦 Don’t know, why elders can’t behave in more mature ways and many a daughters of our nation would have been saved from mental and physical trauma!!

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u know sakhi, the problems you cited are not problems at all! Rather the reason is subtle and I think is purely emotional than anything else… and that is the reason why most of the relationships are either failing (or pretend to be not failed when they have failed actually…) so could be the reason for this lady…
I am not advocating anyone… but trying to see the picture from all possible angles…
time is changing… so are our values… so is lifestyle of an average Indian… and that’s creating so much of turbulence in the society…in such circumstances emotional tug war is more a norm…
I hope you have not started thinking me as the one who wants the lady to be a perfect Bharatiya Nari and bear all those torture without uttering a word…. but breaking away from her parents-in-law is not the solution either… coz breaking a relation has never been a solution to any problem..nor it would be ever…
“why elders can’t behave in more mature ways…” – as children we always believe all the problems in our lives are because of our parents!

Sakhi: Tara, i am glad that you have taken time to come back and write again about your point and no, i will never think of you as “the one who wants the lady to be a perfect Bharatiya Nari and bear all those torture without uttering a word….”

but yes the case here and in most of the domestic problems, the problems are more of emotional tug of war and the home-power..

whatever it is, sure the breaking away will not solve the problem..but staying together with silence around will also not help much!

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Very thoughtful story Sakhi……..It does happen even though everyone seems wonderful before marriage…

I am not married yet but still, my opinion would be, parents/daughter-in-laws would not change so drastically just because of marriage!!

It takes a lot for someone to adjust with new surroundings….if its difficult for 25yr old girl to adjust to new place…to change a bit to accomodate the changes from the life she is been living for 25 years…..Ofocurse, it would be difficult for someone in their 50’s….haina??

And even here, the story is just daughter’s point of view….may be his parents are thinking she might feel bad if they still cling onto their son!!

except this — “What can we do if you are hurt”, pat, came the reply!

everything else seemed just a misunderstanding or lack of communication for me….

All it needs is making onself open to others (ofcourse not to all, but def ur family!!)……….I feel, initiative should be taken by the daughter-in-law, instead of waiting!! I wonder why people tend to be very much saving their words when all it needs a smile and few kind words of approval/support!!

And it should be reciprocated as well….

And in this case, its more unfortunate coz her in laws might not be ready to accept her move even if she did!!

But she should have tried!

Sakhi: Trust me sahaja, she tried! and she tried her best… nothing worked and now when it seems like they need her, she is in an emotional turmoil where she really hates her in-laws and at the same time her moral doesnt allow her to severe the cord of relationship!

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Thanks a lot for ‘i will never think of you as “the one who wants the lady to be a perfect Bharatiya Nari and bear all those torture without uttering a word….” ‘🙂
And as per as my coming back is concerned… the credit is entirely urs….

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Hmm….Thats really so sad ….She has her husband’s support atleast and a kid to forget for atleast some time as u said…..Hope they understand their mistake!!….

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@ Tara

Thanks🙂

@ Sahaja

I hope so too! But sometimes i think the things have gone too far!

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@ Sakhi

Sorry but couldn’t stop myself from commenting… Still unmarried…But this is living hell.

Some suggested… Move out with her husband???

>> Result the wife separated a son from his parents.

Some Suggested … Move out Alone!!!

>> Result The daughter In-law was so selfish that she didn’t even value the marriage…. Aaj kal ki ladkiyaan mein sanskaar hi nahin hain…

Some Suggested…Adjust….

>>result… Burn your mind, body and mental peace and yet not be a “good wife” and then be injust to ur children becoz whenever they see their mother .. they see a stressed, tensed and depressed woman..

Some suggested…Child is a solace
>>Is it really? Had it not been for the child.. wouldn’t have she walked out of the marriage? But no, a child needs a father and a mother would sacrifice anything to see to it that her child grows up in a best possible atmosphere..

Not to mention the pressure that comes on girls family the moment the girl thinks of walking out… And then a daughter would never want her worries to be shifted on her family…

So she endures… suffers…and bears all .. and sacrifices everything .. her hopes..her dreams… her smile …her life… bit by bit…slowly and unfortunately very cruelly…

If only PIL could treat her DIL as their own daughters….

OH gr8 Indian customs .. I salute you.

And this is only the tip of the iceberg….

Well written story… but you could not bring out even 1% of the reality… No one can… Words were never made to express such things… They were always unheard and silenced in the soft sobbing in some lone corner of the house…

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Hi Sakhi,

Nice story ..All hats down to u for drawing a clear picture of the lady. . I think, some times its realy difficult to make a decision as her hubby did… But acording to me the most affected person will be her husband only.. just think of making a decision on his behalf to be either with his parents or with his wife… both the sideds, he’ll be (or was) the looser only..
.
.
.
Best wishes to ur frnd and her husband…..
and also tho her in laws who ar atleast back after spoiling 7/8 yrs of their as well as their childern’s lives …(bcoz according to me they were at the defaulter level of 60%..)…
.
Bt i still wish she must fulfill her duties (as our Indian culture is).. bcoz they are our elders and they deserve the best services from their kids…

Thanks

Sakhi: I know what you want to tell, but why does its only the younger generation has to remember the duties????

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Sakhi – I understand that irritability that makes a woman not even able to look at her mother-in-law. Luckily I don’t have to live with her. But then I don’t think I could live with my parents either.

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I should write more, and then eject the books in many other countries. I see that visitors are coming from around the world. It would need. Hungary to locate some of the popular bookstore (www.konyv-konyvek.hu) and discuss with them the sales. Fortunately, we do not have a lot of bookshops. This is a bit like you doing in the Amazon.

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Sakhi's Laghukatha by Sakhi (aka Dr. Dhara Shah) is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Permissions beyond the scope of this license may be available at sakhi.laghukatha@gmail.com.

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