Sakhi's Laghukatha

An evening with myself…

Posted on: May 28, 2009

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I was stranded at the airport for about five hours. Reaching home looked like a distant dream. I was bored of reading magazines and news papers. I closed my eyes in a hope to catch up on some sleep. I tried to relax, but human mind is fleeting and so was mine (though my subordinates thought of me as one of the most inhuman bosses!!). I was tempted to flick open my laptop and work. I suppressed the idea.

There was one more announcement of further delay in the flight departure.

I closed my eyes again. Suddenly dad’s face flickered in front of my eyes and I almost reached out to touch him. It vanished as soon as it had appeared! I missed him sometimes… only sometimes! I wondered if I was a normal person. Nothing in my life was indispensable! Or was it?

I remembered that day when my favourite doll went missing. One of the servants or kids might have filched it. My mom was worried how I would manage without that doll. I practically took it everywhere I went. Even to the toilet! I proved my mother wrong. One of the other dolls took my fancy and the older one was forgotten as if it never existed. I was all of three years then!

When I grew up a bit, mom went for her further studies to US of A, leaving me and my dad in India. I missed her. Thankfully she came back in a year and I was glad. This one year made me closer to dad. I started doting on him. A few years later, when the family’s financial condition was compromised due to some social reasons, mom went overseas again to make more money. I cried a lot. I didn’t want her to go. She cajoled and tried her level best to make me understand why it was important for her to go. I understood… I cried for her again only a couple of times in another decade to come. Dad hardly had time to be with me! I came to know very late in my life that his office closed at 5:30 pm! Till date I am not sure where he used to be till 9 or 10 pm! I found solace in my friends. They became my family.

Time flew by; I entered into professional course and with that a new chapter began. I had to go to hostel. The idea of going to a new place, a new life, thrilled me. My so called “boyfriend” of two years cried a lot when I told him about my going away.  I should have been happy at this display of emotions, instead I felt nauseated. I tried keeping in touch with him initially, though things didn’t work out after all. I, now, don’t remember who snapped the ties, but we no longer communicated.

I was excited about the new place, meeting new people and the whole idea of becoming a doctor! I remembered my first party. How excited I was! I had never been to a dance party before. My expectations, though, were ill founded. The whole idea of male and female bodies covered in sweat, touching here and there with gyrating movements; repulsed me. I tasted alcohol for the first time on insistence of my friends. I am unable to contemplate how a bitter thing like that can be savoured so much! The whole scene had an anti-climatic effect on me. I rushed out of the hall for some fresh air. Saw Aashish, a classmate, loitering there. We smiled a “hello-we-know-each-other” smile. He too wasn’t enjoying the party, he told me. That was the first time we had talked to each other. I wanted to go back to hostel and he offered to drop me. I accepted. A few days later, he proposed (of course not for marriage, yet!), I declined. He proposed again, stopped eating food and friends started pressuring me. I gave in. I regret that decision of my life even today. He screwed up 5 years of my life or more aptly put, I let him! I still am not sure how I ever told him that I loved hi.We parted our ways and I vowed to myself not to let anybody rein my life again. In spite of turbulent four years, I am indebted to Aashish for one thing – I appreciate a lot of things in life more, which otherwise I would have taken for granted.

In spite of emotional turmoil, I topped university in the final year. Professional life had just begun. Tough working hours and excessive studies greeted me in postgraduate course. I loved it immensely.

At home, mom had started pestering me about marriage. Idea of an arranged marriage was quite queasy to me. But since I wasn’t ‘involved’ with anybody, I was compelled to “at least” see a few prospective beaus. I and Krunal exchanged our notes on those prospects. Somewhere down the line, we decided to get married to each other. I, now, don’t remember who proposed whom; though he maintains that it was me who proposed him. Thoughts of those early days brought smile on my face. He was perfect for me; my best friend!

Professionally I grew well, became one of the youngest corporate doctors of the State. My tenacity, punctuality and no-nonsense attitude earned me respect and money, also a title of “Lady Hitler” from my subordinates. What they don’t know is, I love this image of mine and the title too!

In the course of time, I drifted from my maternal family. Staying without mom for about 10 years in those crucial growing up years and then about 8 years in hostel made me more practical and somewhat emotionally blunt. When dad passed away a couple of years back, I didn’t feel a vacuum a child feels at losing her parent. I loved him because he was my father but we could never become friends. Mom complained about my gruff behaviour; characteristic unemotional, practical decisions I take; but lately she seems to have resigned herself from improving my behaviour. And its time too! She should have done my character building in my younger years. Now, it was too late. I didn’t hate her or resent her for going away. I just became indifferent. I think, I love her, but I am not very sure!

I came back from my reverie when someone tapped on my shoulder. The plane was held up and the crew was searching high and low for me!!

I sighed… it was too much of soul searching for the day or probably for days to come, though I didn’t get the answer to a question I was faced with for quite sometime now. Was I really as emotionally blunt as I was made out to be?

Sigh…

60 Responses to "An evening with myself…"

Sounds like a short autobiography🙂
This story inspires me to re-think some things in my life. Thank you🙂
A quote from book Harry Potter and Chamber of Secrets:

“It is our choices Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.”

Our life is what our choices make it🙂

And I hope no reader thinks this is your own story despite of the Fiction tag😀

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If people think that this is not a fiction that means, that i am a good writer who makes them believe it to be true!🙂 😉

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A tale told with sensitivity with the Sakhi-touch! 100% Fiction or is there a part of it overlapping with truth?

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Nothing is pure fiction. I have been told, time and again, that most writers fetch their characters from the real life scenario. Now whether, in this story, the protagonist is me or not is definitely a question… but half fiction, half truth i will agree to!🙂

And thanks for the complements🙂

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Doesn’t seem to me like fiction at all… Very well written !!!🙂
I don’t think you’re emotionally blunt.. Sometimes, we just don’t know how to react. Happens with me a lot. If there’s a death in the family (though i haven’t lost anyone amongst my immediate family),most of the time I don’t know how to react… Recently, my friend’s granny passed away.. Other than asking him how and when, I couldn’t really express my condolences like you’re supposed to.. That doesn’t make you emotionally numb.. it happens.. you’re totally human, don’t worry!!🙂

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Babes, the question was asked by the protagonist and not me!! I have never writen my autobiography and don’t intend to do so!🙂

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…don’t intend to do so!
You better do….else we will piece together a bizarre story🙂😀 (with a large helping from the previous post😉

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you are most welcome, swaps, to make whatever concoction/conclusion you want, from the previous story or any other story posted on my blog.🙂

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This isn’t fiction is it?

Fiction or non-fiction, your writing touches many cords!

:0)

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Thanks meera!🙂

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Circumstance change us no???

There is a certain hardness in the narrative and that makes this such a compelling read!!!!

Fantastic story Sakhi🙂

PS When I saw u commenting in Reema’s blog I thought its long time that u updated ur blog and then In reader I saw ur post🙂 kya timing hi hai🙂

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Thanks smita🙂

I keep busy these days, so can’t update any of my blogs regularly… SIGH!🙂

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God puts certain people in your life to drain you emotionally. The trick is to not drain out completely but keep a part to yourself. This is important because when the right person comes, you must have those emotions left inside you. Makes sense??
Nice story.🙂

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Amit, i believe that, everything that happens in our life, happens for good! Well, almost🙂

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*Sigh…*

Success doesn’t bring happiness. What does?

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Who said, the protagonist isn’t happy???

Its the perspective, isn’t it🙂

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Then happiness is boring.

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I’m surprised by the sudden change in the narration from the third person to the first person for this post. Yet, it carries the “fiction” tag! I guess the tag should be taken with a pinch of salt😉

But it’s brilliantly written, as usual. While emotions are a very important part of life, nothing in life is permanent. Sigh😦

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Raj, earlier also i have written in first person… but the same thing happened then. People started relatinig my stories, directly to me in person. So I wrote only in third person. But certain things have more impact when written in first person.

What say?🙂

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nicely written..

in doubt if its fiction..😛

keep writing..!!

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Truth is stranger than Fiction. This doesn’t sound strange. So, it must be fiction.

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I think it should be Air India flight. Holding the flight waiting for one passenger happens with them mostly🙂 !

The story indeed created more impact with the first person narrative. I guess the protagonist’s case is just a part of growing up! Well written.

Destination Infinity

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Thanks 🙂

And holding up of the flight recently happend with a colleague … and no, it wsn’t AI it was Jet airways😀 😀

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Hu ha ha ha see what people are saying. A very wise comment from Anshul! :O
Liked the story of a lifetime in so few sentences. U should really try a 55er.

p.s I fed the hamster😀

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I am scared of 55er… shall try though, but can’t really promise much there!!🙂

LOL at Anshul being a wise commenter for a change😉 😀

And why can’t you leave my hamster alone… she is on diet, for God’s sake!!😛 😛

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very well written… I am sure there is overlapping of truth with fiction, but then, you sure aren’t going to divulge that! Whatever be it… made for an excellent reading… true, profiles like these exist everywhere..

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Thanks chiranjib🙂

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its like reading a auto biography in short… I believe that environment in which a person lives makes him/her… here you have said that beautifully.. she has been without her father and mother’s affection while growing up, as friends are coming in and going out of her life made her emotionless person, which cant be blamed… as usual brilliantly written… I enjoyed it a lot🙂

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i didn’t have the miseries or catastrophes tht rocked the ‘lady Hitler’s life. but the indifference is creeping. in spite of a loving family and vividly colorful bunch of frnz, thr seems some un-reachable realisation that is pulling me inside a whirl of emotions which are turning out to be self-blunting… hats off to ur pen, for making me reveal this, which never came out even when words of love from affectionate hearts touched my soul.

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It happens to most of us as we grow. But one should take care not to be too emotionally guarded. Thanks for the complement but I would have preferred you to be open with your family and friends. Ultimately, we are social animals and we need to be surrounded by love and affection. Professional realizations, finally, will lose its meaning.

I wish you the best!🙂

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Sakhi as the comments have clearly said it ..let me say it too:)
this seemed so real….I know its not..but the fact that it does seem so says a lot about your talent as a writer🙂

its a precarious balance na?

to take care to not be too emotionally guarded nor to be not emotionally guarded at all..
in the former we will lose so many chances of getting to know some great human beings while in the latter too much risk of getting hurt…

*sigh*

still thinking about the story..

(((hugs)))

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yes the balance is crucial here, but i think a person can’t consciously choose to become what he/she wants… circumstances play a major role in making a person. Only a few have the ability to rise above the circumstances.

🙂🙂

A hug always makes me feel better🙂 🙂

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This really looked like a page out of someone’s autobiography ….

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🙂 🙂 yeah!!🙂

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a few minutes into the story, I was like, ” Whats wrong wid her?, why is she writing about her herself?” and then somewhere down, I realised, ” heyy, wait a minute. This cant be her story. This is not she as far as I know” !! Very well written😀

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Even if you thought for a min that it was true, then my work is done. What more a writer can ask for? 🙂 🙂

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Very well written🙂

Doesn’t seem like fiction at all… Great job!!! Kudos!!!🙂

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thanks a bunch!!🙂

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Really nice one…I really liked this point of view u shared…
Adding u in my blog list to read more from you!!!

My blog is http://rahul-bhattacharya.blogspot.com/🙂

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will add your blog to my reader too! Thanks for adding mine to your list🙂

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I see u r online🙂

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hun?? did i miss something here??❓

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Hi Sakhi! You have a Versatile Blogger Award to be picked up from my blog! Truly a well deserved one. Do come over and pick it.

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wow, thanks🙂 abh lene aati hun, award!!😀 😀

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[…] : Sakhi What : An evening with myself Spicy : A very well written fictional story written by Sakhi makes it to our picks. The story is so […]

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Sakhi, whether it’s 100% fiction or has some traces of reality, the fact remains that you sure are a fabulous storyteller or should I say fictionist.🙂

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hee… hee… Whatever you call me… thanks for it!🙂 🙂

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very well written..and the mark of a good story is when people begin to question if it’s real or fiction..it means you have touched them some where ….it vacillates on the border of real and fantasy!!

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TThanks Rahul… usually we try to relate to the characters we read about and when we do find similarities, we like the work even better. Sometimes, some hidden emotions, which otherwise we would not be faced with are surfaced during such reads.🙂

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Sakhi – Your writing is wonderful.
Even though it is fiction, it reminded me of my mother – I am too cold she says. But then she made me.
I would like to add you to my blog list to keep reading your work. You are so talented.
My blog is: http://sioneve.wordpress.com/
Bye

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Thanks a bunch for the complements!🙂

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you are not “somewhat emotionally blunt” Sakhi, for the world to know, she is the first person to notice something amiss even in a blogmate’s mindspace and mail something that would cheer one up, she has done this on two occasions for me.

A lot of us Indian children feel a cert distance with our parents while we are teenagers, the generation gap exists, but on hindsight I discovered so much beauty and love in our relationship. I blogged about it.

I still write but got caught up with shifting school work soon as I landed, so could not call am sorry. Yesterday tho I wrote about my Father here if you would like to read and another glimpse into my childhood…http://nabinatrisha.wordpress.com/2009/06/19/amalendu-nag/

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Awwww… that was really kind of you. Though this is not personal story, i have written it in first person just to give it a feel🙂

I have already commented on your post🙂

Talk to you real soon🙂 till then take care!

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fiction!!! true story!!!!
true story!!!! fiction!!!

whatever, it is simply superb.

u can try on novel, u can definitely do it. (such a tight grip, even better than yash raj’s film) TRY ONCE………..
and better realistic than madhur bhaandarkar’s movie, that every person relates some or other part of story to his own life!!!!!!!!!!

BUT tell me, how you i.e. ‘i’ in the story is emotionally blunt, if you are thinking these much!!!
according to me blunt man can’t.

anyway, keep it up🙂🙂🙂

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🙂 ah… such a complement!🙂 Thanks🙂

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I really had to look for the “Fiction” tag. You have really written it very very well. Amazing peice of work!!

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Sakhi's Laghukatha by Sakhi (aka Dr. Dhara Shah) is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
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