Sakhi's Laghukatha

Whirl wind!

Posted on: June 27, 2008

Name has been changed to protect privacy!

Name has been changed to protect privacy!

Scene # 1, 26 June, 2008

5:45 am

Alarm goes off. Swati wants to snooze it badly but she knows, she can’t really do that. Springs on her feet and she is up and about! With a whirl wind, she freshens up as soon as she can and is already in the Kitchen by 5:55 am

Cooker is on the first burner of the gas stove, milk on the second, vegetable on the third!

The alarm goes off again! (She keeps multiple alarms so that she doesn’t forget to wake her child up!)

6:15 am

“Please, bachchaa, get up! Its 6:15 now…” she cajoles her 5 year old to get up for the school.

As she makes her ready by giving her a bath, brushing her teeth, suddenly she remembers… MILK….. runs in the kitchen……thank God, it has not spilled over!

Runs back to her baby, makes her ready for the school!

“Drink your milk fast, sweet heart!” She coaxes her child. Suddenly the alarm goes off again! (Bhaago……..! Time for the school bus!)

Packs snacks for the lunch box and kisses her child and waves good bye!

7:00 am

“Come on, yaar, get up! It’s already seven!” wakes up husband…

Cooker has cooled, now the “daal” can be prepared!

Veggie is done by now. The burner is now free for the tea for the hubby and the in-laws!

Daal on the first burner and tea on the second!

Prepare dough for the “rotis” by the time tea is done.

Served everybody, had a cup of tea standing at the kitchen platform looking at the daal so that it will not spill over!

Prepares “rotis” for the whole family of four!

It’s already 8:30 am

9:00 am

Punches at the office sharp at 9:00 am.

Deals with the superiors, subordinates, juggles the managerial role with that of many others.

6:00 pm boss lets her know about the urgent work which just came in.

7:15 pm

Reaches home. Prepares food for the family.

8:00 pm

Dinner with family.

9:00 pm

Helps in homework of the child.

10:00 pm

“Mom, pleeeeeeeeeease, one story!” she couldn’t refuse her sweet heart.

10:30 pm

“Hey how was your day?” asks hubby sweetly while giving a peck on her cheek. He wanted more! She wanted it too! She smiles at him… he goes to put the light off!

When he comes back, she is fast a sleep!

********

Scene # 2, 26 June, 2000

Swati receives a gold medal in Skating competition. She keeps her medal with others she had won in the past in various competitions.

Her parents were proud of her as not only she was good at sports but excelled at acaedemics, too. Why, this year only she completed her MBA from an reputed university!

*********

She is everything that is expected of her… a good wife, mother, bahu, successful professional…. everything!

Everything but herself!

Recently, very frequently, Swati has started asking herself, WHERE HAS SWATI GONE?

32 Responses to "Whirl wind!"

Sakhi, you are here. On your blog!🙂 But at the same time, do take care of your inner needs. It’s great that you have at least articulated them. You need time for yourself!!

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Hey Nita, I know where I AM!🙂

What I have potrayed is not my life per say (though it is not very different!🙂 )

This is what I have observed with many of my working women friends, not just one in particular!
🙂🙂

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Hooray for Swathi and all those working mothers out there.

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Sakhi !! .. This is an amazing post !!

U hv shown the bitter truth of an Indian woman !! .. She is always expected to be a good daughter, good wife,good mother, good grandmother, good bahu etc etc and in return she only asks for a little unconditional love from her husband,father,in-laws etc .. But still she suffers a lot ..

She is the one who has to compromise on her carrer and brilliant academics just to prove that she’s a good housewife or she can manage her household activities well .. We, men, never compromise even if our wives are smarter and more intelligent than us ..May be Man-ego comes between ..

I hope this situation improves with time(chances are blick though !!) and all indian women can live their lives according to their wishes and will ..

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Hats off to The Great Indian Working Wife/Mother !!

I can never even imagine how our mothers are able to manage them all.

And as far as Swati goes, I would say that she is still there, somewhere deep inside and ready to surface when the time is right. That was a phase that went by. This is also a phase that’ll go by. Once the kids grow up and are mature enough to take care of themselves, Swati can re-emerge, though she may not be that much into skating per se🙂

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So true…we all have had such scenes in our lives. Though I don’t have kids now but I still envy the house wife though I know they too lead a tough life.

But still I envy them for the time they have to go out and do things they want. Am always running from post to pillar to do my work. Need to go to the bank, ask boss for it. Need to shop then wait for that sunday when u have to clean too….guess I shud stop…

But yes, given a choice I wouldn’t want to leave my job bhi🙂

S

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Phew!! Hats off to Swati for being an all rounder.But its really important for a woman to be herself..in her elements once in a while and not postpone it till the kids grow up n all…Cuz u never know when it gets too much to bear. And whats the point in postponing if u dont have the age / health for it then? and its also important to keep the passion alive in a marriage…atleast to take a day off just to spend with one’s spouse..to reconnect…to again feel the emotions.

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sometimes it worries how we will cope up with such a maddening schedule ! later on in life,10 yrs down the life,i see myself drained out doing all that u have described in this post😦

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@Saks – Hail superwomen, hail working women, hail women in general! Super post (as always!)

@Megs – In 10 years, I see your guy drained out doing all this!😀😛

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Swati is trying to do too many things at the same time . . . she needs to outsource the job of cooking to someone else . . . else it may lead to a burnout after some time . . . and she needs to take some time off to indulge in her hobbies . . . it’s great that she is able to bring up her daughter with love and affection . . . the little kid would be forever grateful to her for this . . . but when she grows up, she would like her mother to skate with her and be her skating coach . . . it would not be possible if Swati harms her own long term health by being a superwoman now.

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Women are best at multi tasking-a skill any big corporate looks out for in their Top Execs-still the percentage of Women Top Execs is way lower than the males……….
It is a very nicelt written post with simple use of narration-but the idea behind is too good….and thoughful…I will say the girl is lucky if she gets understanding husband and in laws- I got them and I am proud of them.

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OMG that sounds so busy. Swati should know that she is still there under all that busy-ness.

Is this really how it is there? Those work hours seem alittle much to me.

I thought americans worked long hours.

Maybe we should all move to europe.

They actually have afternoon naptime scheduled in some countries. And 3 months paid times off a year in some too. I get 0 paid vacation and an 9 hour workday with 1 hour off unpaid for lunch.

Man that sounds nice.

And its me making dinner most nights because my wife works 3-10:30 most of the time.

I gotta go my cat wont quit crawling on the keyboard.

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@RJ

actually that sounds really good ! wow,i will find someone like that i hope😉

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Hi, Nice Blog. I have added you to my bloglist.

Love and Peace,
Abhijeet

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@Xylene
🙂

@ Soham

*I hope this situation improves with time(chances are blick though !!) and all indian women can live their lives according to their wishes and will ..*

Why bleak chances? Ifyou guys are supportive nothingis impossible!🙂

@ Daroga

Yeah probably she will have her own life back but by the time she might have lost heart and will to actually persue her hobby1 Only if she gets good loving support NOW will she be able t do that later!

@ S

Yeah life is tough for house wife, but some how in most of the Indian homes, working women have double tough life… taking acare of home and career is no joke

But tell you the truth, I love my job! and however tough it gets, will not Quit!
🙂

and welcome to my blog, see you around!🙂

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@ Vishesh🙂

@ Reema

I feel the same, if she waits till the child has grown (if they decided to have only one child! )she might actually lose the jest to do what she always wanted to do!

* its also important to keep the passion alive in a marriage…atleast to take a day off just to spend with one’s spouse..to reconnect…to again feel the emotions.*

Easier said then done!

@ Megs

chil sweetheart, not necessarily you will have to go through this!😉🙂

@ RJ🙂

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@ Raj

Its best to deligate work, but i know many a couleagues who either can’t afford to do so or do not have the liberty! But yes, if possible, should be done to keep the sanity!🙂

@ Fruity

*I will say the girl is lucky if she gets understanding husband and in laws- I got them and i am proud of them*

U are indeed lucky to have them, treasure and cherish them.. that’s a rare breed!🙂 am happy for you!🙂

” Robert

I am happy you din’t ask what “Daal” is!😛 Just for your knowledge, its lentil soup and is staple in most of the parts of India though prepared differently and its yummy!🙂

Teah the idea of shifting to europe sounds soooo good, but have heard that europe is very costly…🙂

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@ Abhijeet

Thanks🙂

c u around

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@Megs – Wish you all the best🙂

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Sakhi, the thing I like about your stories are that they are very real. It scares me that we are expected to be superwomen, when we get married.

Now that role definitions have changed, I guess roles for Indian families should change too. We must guide our kids to be independent and husband sharing more roles. It does happen in western household, why not here?

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Yeah, the Indian mindset has to be changed. And it is changing slowly but even after so much of studying and doing eveything a guy does, the homely duitesa re considered to be the basic duties of females…😦

I don’t say its wrong, but should be shared by both the partners only then the balance would be there

And in western world there are other problems like nuclear families, broken homes and broken families which are less in our country.. so we have pros and cons of every system

Hope things change and change fast for us!

And don’t worry too much about the future! Everything hapens for the best🙂 [i think!]

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Hey, I never preached western world is best. But these are obviously pros that we need.🙂

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absolutely agree!🙂🙂

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This is amazing doc. Keep it up!!! again i will say u r chuppi rustam. Kash mujhe aapke sath rehne ka kuch samay aur mil jata.

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Aur samay matlab? Kahaan ja rahi ho?

Am sure where ever u go Net facility will still be there, so u can definately blog from there🙂

Hope you are not shifting to sahara dessert, are you?😛

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[…] And finally, did any one think of inculcating family values to contribute in household chores. Role definitions have changed, so why is it only women managing household chores alone. One of my friend says she and her husband arrive home at same time after work. While her ma-in-law brings sherbet for husband, she is expected to slog in kitchen and wake up early next day! Her hubby is free to hog sports channels on his couch. Where is her life? Why can’t we teach our kids and family to be self-reliant and spouse to pitch in household chores. I will leave you with a peek into an Indian woman’s life in this story by Sakhi. […]

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What’s the rest of her family doing? Why doesn’t she ask her husband to feed the child and to help with the home work? His mother will not appreciate it? And why aren’t her MIL and FIL helping her at all? This is what I mean when I say Indian Joint Family System is held aloft on the DIL’s fragile shoulders, she needs to shrug as in ‘Atlas Shrugged’. It won’t be easy, in fact it will be very, very difficult. But when it’s all over- she’ll be free. She’ll be respected enough for others to stop taking her for granted and start sharing in the running of a family/household…This story made me very, very sad. Because the saddest thing is she will not shrug.

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@ homey

Hey probably her husband’s office timings are even harder than hers.. so even if he wants to help, he can’t!🙂 probably!

And yes, for most of the “swatis” it is difficult to shrug and move on… with a child in tow it becomes almost impossible.

But what i have observed around me is that, “swatis” are not always unhappy, probably they learn to take things in their stride and move on with their life and then, here, swati does love her husband and child… 🙂

Things are not always black or white. In life there are grey areas with a lot of different hues… so can’t judge teh picture with only one shade!🙂

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Fist off, get rid of the in laws living with you, they will leach you out of your time and money. There is no reason you should be supporting them or cooking for them. Second, tell your husband you need help, you are working and contributing financially to the household. The burden of raising the child should not be on you solely, he made the baby with you. Make a schedule for making dinners, getting up, sending the child to school. Your husband should be your partner, you should not be a slave to him. Set guidelines and stick to them, be firm girlfriend! There is no honor in being miserable, you have alive to live too!!

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Sakhi….I wonder how I missed this😛

Wow and beautifully written…though I cant really see myself..I can see my mom…..for all that She has done to bring us up and make us what we are…..A great big Thanks and Hugs for all those moms🙂

And Ya, she lost being herself for a few years I think, but She is back now!!

Lovely !!!
I always admire you for being so good at blogging too…both the crafty side and the writing side….and being a doctor, a mom, a wife…..uff….I cant imagine how I would do when time comes…Hats off to you Di🙂

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@ Smart Woman

Thanks for the concern, but in India the things are not taken as harshly as you have mentioned. I appreciate it!🙂

Do visit again.

@ Sahaja
🙂 Thanks sweetie! And I think every woman pass through this phase once in her life (at least in India!!) …

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Sakhi's Laghukatha by Sakhi (aka Dr. Dhara Shah) is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
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